NOT TO ME (REYLO)
by vihaa8
Summary: She closed the door on him but her heart had opened up to things she never wanted to let in. He vowed to destroy her but now all he wants is to feel her touch again. They are both haunted and struggling, and they are both not ready to let anyone in, not even each other. But war stops for no one and before its too late they need to be sure of who they are and what they want...


**CHAPTER 1**

Six months had passed since the battle of Crait. The Galaxy was unbalanced and topsy-turvy like never before. The future was uncertain and it had become extremely hard to stay neutral. The legend of Luke Skywalker had given new life to the resistance. The fact that Luke had a hand in training Rey had made her the lifeline of the Resistance in the eyes of the allies and her powers provided hope to the people around her. General Leia had guided them to a peaceful planet in the outer rims so that they could gather their strength and make decisions in regards to the next steps.

On the other side, the assumption that Kylo Ren would be the natural Supreme leader who would give direction to the First Order had been shattered. He had become more and more volatile and moody as the months passed. He was constantly haunted by the ghost of his master and uncle Luke Skywalker. He had hardly met the generals or formulated any kind of plan to seek out the resistance. The leadership was still very scared of his powers and afraid to ask him about what was happening. Hux had taken complete advantage of the situation and rallied a lot of the Generals against Kylo. He wanted the leadership to take control of the first order and bring the military rule into the Galaxy. He was not ready to serve a boy, especially not General Leia's kid.

"We need to take him down" Hux hissed in a venomous tone. He is sitting with a few of the generals in the meeting room. Hux is sitting on the leading chair of a big discussion table, and the rest of the generals were sitting or standing cramped up close to him, except for one. His eyes are red and anger fills his breaths. "SIX MONTHS" he continues, "we have given Ren more than enough time and opportunity, but he doesn't have it in him. He is a CHILD." The Generals look at each other, their faces have nervous expression but they nod their heads. "The question is how?" one of the generals in the back asks in a soft calm voice. "we can't just walk up to him with a blaster now, can we?" another General sitting by Hux says in an almost mocking tone.

"He... has grown to be weak...good, he... he is unable to hurt anyone, you remember when we were torturing the prisoners for information on the resistance base and he stopped us" A very confident looking general sitting directly opposite to Hux on the other side of the table said. "He hasn't even picked up his Saber since the Battle of Crait."

"You are right General Pryde, we have to use his light, and his weak heart against him," Hux said with a sinister smile creeping across his face. "The resistance, I believe bringing him face to face with the resistance could be the end of him," Hux says and looks at Pryde who gives the slightest nod of approval.

"What about the resistance raids to influence our troopers?" The General next to Hux asked.

"I know what we have to do" Hux replied standing up. "We all hope so" Pryde whispered.

"Ben, are you ready for your lesson today?" Luke was sitting on the edge of the bed in Kylo's chambers, Kylo Ren was laying there with his back towards him. "What today? How bad is the bad old darkness?" Kylo asked in a tired yet mocking tone without moving. "NOO, that was the lesson last month, keep up, you used to be my best student" Luke replied shaking his head. "Well now I am your only student, so there is not competition" Kylo got up, he saw his reflection in the mirror wall in front of him. His scar had become faint, one could almost miss it if they didn't know about it already. He had tried his best to fight it, Luke, the light, and his own father but nothing worked. He wasn't strong enough with the darkness, he had failed even after every sacrifice he had made. "What is the lesson today then, enlighten me!" he looked back at Luke with a defeated expression.

"You are enough Ben. That's the lesson." Luke got up and walked to him. "You with all your struggle are enough. There is no one you have to live up to, not me and definitely not your grandfather." The words went through Kylo piercing his heart that he had long tried to bury. "I am anything but enough, I was never good enough for the light, not wise, committed and optimistic enough and now I am not spiteful or strong enough to lead the dark side. After everything, the one thing I am not is ENOUGH" Luke looked into Kylo's eyes and for the first time in six months he saw his nephew. The kid Luke loved with all his heart. "I was all those things Ben, and I still failed. A wise man told me failure is our greatest teacher. Yes, you failed, but your family, we failed you first." Luke could see the tears forming in Ben's eyes. His body was shaking and Ben felt the weight of the world on his shoulder. His legs gave way and he fell on his knees. "Wh... why weren't you there before, its too late now, TOO late," Ben said and with these words, Kylo was back. The sadness replaced by anger and Luke could now only hold on to hope. There were a few more lessons before Ben could finally return.

A single drop of tear flowed down Rey's cheeks. There was a deep sadness in her heart and a feeling of loneliness that did not belong to her but she knew all too well. "Ben," she said with the faintest whisper. "What?" Finn asked and she was brought back from her daze. She was sitting surrounded by the old and new resistance. They were all sitting and having their evening meal, their table compromised of Chewie, Poe, Finn, Rose and of course BB8. Finn and Poe had just come back from their mission. The resistance had found a spy in the ranks of First Order and he had given them some vital information. Kylo had become volatile because of his darkness, crueler but at the same time unstable and easier to attack. Rey knew this was wrong, she had been feeling everything ben felt for the last month, her efforts to block him out had started to fail miserably. There was only sadness, guilt and sometimes complete light that he radiated. The problem was she had to find a way to tell the others how she knew this. She couldn't tell Poe and Finn about whatever she and ben had. First of all, because they would try to cut her off because of the danger and secondly because she couldn't explain what it was herself. She had been doing a lot of reading trying to figure it out, but the Jedi texts were hard to understand and it took her a lot of time. She hadn't found anything about the kind of bond she and ben shared.

"Nothing, I am just happy we are all together after so long," she told Finn who smiled at her. She really had missed him, they were separated a lot because of her training. She had been working with Leia and also decoding the Jedi texts and Finn had been helping the resistance-free slaved stormtroopers like him. It had again been one of Rose's ingenious ideas. Finn had been telling her stories of his time with First Order during her recovery. He told her about kids who were picked up just like him and it wasn't long before she had directed him towards helping them. Rose had ended up being the light in dark times.

"The first order is of yet unaware of our little escapades, but that's only because they have been too small, we need more soldiers to join our ranks" Finn was deep in conversation with Poe and Rose. Chewie was busy stuffing himself, he was waiting like he hadn't seen food in forever. "We are not freeing them so they can choose what they want, joining us is not a pre-condition," Poe said in his wise tone. He had been a bit annoying since Leia had given him a greater leadership role but he had held the resistance together. Leia's health had been deteriorating, the losses had been weighing her down, the load of building up the resistance all over again and training Rey had been all a bit too much. For her sake, Rey indulged Poe to the fullest extent. "I know that... and you know what I mean" Finn snapped back as usual.

Rose shook her head and moved closer to Rey. "Did you feel... him again?" Rose asked in a hushed tone so only Rey could hear her. Rose had read her, she had a way of knowing these things. Ever since she had met Rose, Rey had been unable to keep things from her. Rey had never had a girlfriend no one who could ever really understand her the way Rose did. When She started struggling with the darkness, she, to her surprise, found solace in Rose. Rose had found her muttering during one of her meditation sessions. Rose had been looking for BB8 and found Rey sweating, eyes closed and hand-stretched out, "Stop, stop!" Rey screamed and Rose knew something was really wrong. Rose didn't judge her, her eyes were always filled with compassion, "I know nothing much about the force, but I can only tell you one thing, Rey you inspire me" she remembered Rose's reaction so clearly. "And the fight between light and dark, we all fight it each day, you are no different." Rey's struggle hadn't lessened but her resolve to keep fighting the darkness had grown stronger and that in some way gave her strength. Rey had told her she could feel Ben's emotions sometimes due to the force. Rose was completely unaware of how deep it was, she was oblivious of it being a bond at all. Rey had told her that she could feel every living being's emotions due to the presence of force which was not completely a lie. She did, however, tell Rose of the inexplicable light she felt in Ben from time to time in the last month. "Yes... he... Ren is broken," Rey said, the words hurting her like she didn't expect them to. Rose looked at her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I hope he can mend himself," She said in the optimistic tone only she could conjure in every situation. Rey hoped the same, but she wished she could help. At that very moment it hit her "Positivity..." she exclaimed. Rose stared at her in confusion but she had already closed her eyes. Rey filled herself with every positive moment of her life, she thought of the company she had, of the cold feeling of grass on barefoot, of BB8, of Rose's smile, of Finn and Poe's friendship, of Leia's warmth, and of THAT touch and she let the light fill her up.

Kylo was walking towards the meeting room when all of a sudden, a jolt of pure Joy hit him, it was so untainted and glowing that the slightest of smiles broke out on his face. The moment passed and he was left embarrassed, he composed himself quickly but the joy only increased because he had felt her, after six months he had felt HER.

He walked into the room, stomping his feet on purpose. He had to show his authority to the room. "Why did you call me here General Hux?" he asked standing looking outside with his back to the whole table. "We have information that the rebels are going to attack one of our stormtrooper training bases, Supreme leader this is our chance," Hux said in a confident manner. Kylo wanted to get into his head, he wanted to read his intention but his mind was on Rey and his emotions were all over the place. He couldn't question this right now, he had to show his resolve. He knew his conflict had been testing the patience of the leadership and a firm action was needed to shut their doubts. Maybe Hux was right, maybe this was his chance. "We shall crush them," he said closing out Rey.

Rey, Finn, and Poe had come to see Leia in her chambers. Se laid on her bed, body weakened but her spirit was still glowing. Rey was sitting next to her holding her hand.

"The spy he also told us the location of one of the stormtrooper training bases" Poe was catching Leia up. "This is our chance to get thousands out." Leia looked skeptical, "I don't know, what if they don't listen to you? That's a huge number take a risk with." Poe looked at Finn pleading for support, "General me and all the former stormtroopers who have joined us will go together, I assure you no one wants a life in slavery. They would be scared but I am certain I can turn them; I have learned how to get their confidence over the last few months." Finn turned to Poe who is smiling at him. "Our allies need to know we have a plan that we can win this war, we need to take a risk," Poe added.

Leia stayed silent for a few seconds and then turned to Rey, "Go with them, I have a feeling they will need you this time." Rey smiled and nodded, she had the same feeling.


End file.
